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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638371">Kick in the Proverbial Pants</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepdeprivedtechie/pseuds/sleepdeprivedtechie'>sleepdeprivedtechie</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bleach</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:00:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29638371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepdeprivedtechie/pseuds/sleepdeprivedtechie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shiro plays the devil's advocate!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Grimmjow Jaegerjaques &amp; Kurosaki Ichigo, Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Welcome to Horny Jail!!</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Kick in the Proverbial Pants</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mossbeast/gifts">Mossbeast</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArisuAmiChan/gifts">ArisuAmiChan</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Thank you once again for the brain-worm! Hope it's as enjoyable as the last one. </p><p>Also, just in case it isn't obvious Shiro is in italics and the Old Man is in bold (but he doesn't have much to say, as usual)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>“Fuck, he’s daydreaming again!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>“Why does it bother you so much? There is nothing that we can do about it?”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>It should bother you Old Man! With all this porn playing in his head, it's affecting his ability to protect himself.  I can’t be the horse to a runway cart! And if you think there’s nothing we can do to fix it, you don’t know me very well, do you?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>********</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Ichigo sinks into the hot spring provided in the basement of Urahaha’s shop after yet another tension filled spar.  This time had the added bonus of Jinta trying to throw his weight around for some reason.  That kid was lucky as hell Ichigo was able to catch Grimmjow before he was torn apart; as he lets the warmth seep into his aching muscles and warm his skin, Ichigo’s mind starts to wander towards other things.  Piercing blue eyes that burn through him to his very soul, watching every movement; claws that are not afraid to grab and tease at tearing him apart; teeth that would leave very pretty marks all over every surface of his body; wondering if that tongue would feel just like a cat’s as it drags across his skin, starting at his neck and dragging lower and lower. Just as things are getting hotter (no thanks to the spring), Ichigo feels that obnoxious tug that signals Shiro has pulled him into his inner world.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell do you want now, Shiro?!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I want to know what the hell you are doing pussy-footing around with our prey! If you don’t just fuck him all ready, I’m going to go nuts in here!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell is it anyone else’s business what goes on in my sex life!  First Yuzu, and now you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Because this literal cat-and-mouse game is starting to drag on way to freaking long. You are KING, the freaking saviour of three worlds; and you are thirsting for Grimmjow to dick you down so much, it's like a bad porno playing on repeat in here! The way I see it we have two options here: tell the panther that you want to boink your brains out with him, or tell him off.  Either one will lead to a beautiful fight that is a long time coming and I won’t wait anymore!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <span>“Jeez! Just… What are you? The devil on my shoulder?  If that’s the case, where is the Old Man? Shouldn’t he be the angel, huh!?  Where are you, my voice of reason?!”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And with the radio silence from Zangestu, Ichigo flips Shiro the bird with a hearty “FUCK OFF!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>******</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just about a week later, Shiro makes a decision.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Do me a solid Old Man and distract King for me?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <b>“What are you planning to do this time?”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“JUST FUCKING DO IT!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*****</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Grimmjow is laying on his futon in the room he’s pinched from the Creepy Perv, trying to think of new ways to mess with Berry today.  It’s getting really hard trying to find things that aren’t outright foreplay now; last time Ichigo was so easily lost in thought, Grimmjow found himself feeling indignant about the whole situation.  It’s starting to feel like Ichigo would rather live the fantasy in his head then actually take advantage of the situation now.  Like his ears were burning, the immense reiatsu that seeps off of Ichigo can be felt coming from down the block; and it is seething, dripping red and black waves.  Grimmjow cracks a smile as he drags himself to the front door to meet Ichigo head on; but what he finds isn’t Ichigo at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Still chaperoning I see? I’m glad you brought him here, but you are just a tad bit early for our fight.”  Grimmjow taunts the hollow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The not-Ichigo figure with black sclera and golden irises surges forward and manages to get the drop on him, slamming Grimmjow into the wall.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“GET OFF YOUR FUCKING HIGH HORSE AND PUT OUT ALREADY!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not the words Grimmjow was expecting to hear from not-Ichigo; usually, his comments are dripping with innuendo or laced with sarcasm.  Never has he been one to be straight-forward.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“You are supposed to be this all-mighty Sexto Espada! You fucking evolved from the nothing by eating the less weak and consuming anything and everything in your way! You, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, self-declared King of the Hollows and supposed Alpha male, are currently acting like a neutered house cat.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that insult, Grimmjow tries to wriggle out from the hollow’s grip, but instead feels a good solid grip on his dick, and it’s anything but sexy right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“I AM NOT FINISHED!  You have no idea what it’s like watching the ‘Ichigo and Grimmjow Tease Show’ all day, every day! The sky is so fucking blue and teal in his inner world right now, we can’t escape you even if we wanted to! It even smells like you in his head.  He’s so head-over-ass, sickeningly in love with you, but he won’t do shit about it for fear of fucking whatever this is up.  So, if he isn’t going to do anything about it, and you weren’t going to jump his bones, I figured it’s high time I did something about it!”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, not-Ichigo crashes his mouth to Grimmjow’s, and the grip on his dick loosens just enough to start creating beautiful friction.  Trying his damnedest not to rut into the hand like a bitch in heat, Grimmjow finally loses himself in the out of character affection shown by Ichigo’s hollow; Grimmjow takes the body in front of him into his arms, reaching up underneath the shirt and finally dragging nails down the back he’s been wanting to mark for ages.  The moan slipping out from the mouth currently devouring him is utterly delicious and heady; there’s a quick thought in the back of Grimmjow’s mind about who exactly is making these advances, but right now he really could care less.  Holy shit, the hand gripping the front of his shirt and pinning him to the wall outside the shop is now snaking its way up his chest, while the other is trying desperately to get into the front of his pants.  The mouth pulls off and makes its way to Grimmjow’s neck where it’s nuzzling, and rubbing, and scenting everywhere.  Fuck, teeth tease and nip now too, as frantic hands feel up and down, pushing closer and closer to an embarrassingly quick end. Just as not-Ichigo starts leaving his mark in earnest with teeth and claws, the hollow stops and looks up at the blown out Grimmjow.  The body’s eyes are now slowly bleeding back to white and brown, that fucking cocky smile that looks even more delicious with kiss swollen lips is now somewhat disappointed. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, shit.  I guess my time is up.  Now do something about it kitty-cat!”</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Now that the "Ichigo and Grimmjow Tease Show" is over, we continue with our regularly scheduled programing.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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